


Please, I don't want you to know my suffering

by MeikoMon



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Fluff, M/M, Nekoma, Sad and hurt Kenma, Violence, Yams is the bae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 08:49:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7428154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeikoMon/pseuds/MeikoMon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenma had watched years go by, filled with bruises and cuts, sharp words stabbing him. But Kuroo can't know, can't see the damage done to his pale skin. If he did, who knows what he would do? </p>
<p>ANGST ANGST ANGST! With a mild sprinkling of fluff.</p>
<p>Trigger warning! Severe bullying (violence) and anxiety.</p>
<p>"Kenma knew. If kuroo knew he knows Kuroo will personally kill all of them. He doesn’t want that sort of attention, so he hides it. But the excuses are wearing thin and Kenma’s  body can only take so much."</p>
<p>Kenma Bullying Au to break your and my heart. Also, there is swearing and mature topics with beating and bullying, so don't read if it's a trigger</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please, I don't want you to know my suffering

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to this Kuroken fanfiction! My poor Kenma. Please enjoy!

This is a Kuroken fan fiction! They're my new favourite ship (ノ・ω・)ノBut anyway, the blurb is…

Kenma knew. If kuroo knew he knows Kuroo will personally kill all of them. He doesn’t want that sort of attention, so he hides it. But the excuses are wearing thin and Kenma’s body can only take so much.

Kenma Bullying Au to break your and my heart. Also, there is swearing and mature topics with beating and bullying, so don't read if it's a trigger, thank you.

Enjoy!  
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Propped against a cold wall which jabbed little spears of stone in to his abused back, Kenma sighed. His body was painted in vibrant purples, the bruises littering his pale skin. They were hid well, under scarlet red, a hoodie and trousers with ‘Nekoma’ printed in fat letters.

With the feeble legs of a new born deer, Kenma trudged back to his home to state his excuse of the day to his mother and to collapse in to bed.

Kuroo had texted, asking him where he had been for the last ten minutes of practise. Now used to lying(Which disgusted him) Kenma said he simply had to go home because Shouyo was about to go on their favourite online game and needed help clearing a dungeon.

He so wanted desperately to tell Kuroo that there were bullies beating him and mentally torturing him everyday but he couldn’t, he knew Kuroo would explode and beat them. He didn’t want that attention so he stayed quiet. More than usual. Yaku worried and Kenma was finding  
It harder and hardder to conceal injuries and play volleyball-His body was in such bad condition. He never really used to eat much before but now he hardly eat at all with his anxiety sky rocketing due to the bullies seemingly around every corner. At lunch Kuroo would pester him to eat, but Kenma remained stubborn. He has fainted a few times, but all in the safety of his home.

Exhausted and eyes pouring out silent tears, Kenma slept.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
The next day went as normal.

That is, till practice arrived, rearing its ugly head of tiring drills and continuous exercise. Kenma had been dizzy during the day and he dreaded practice. He had some bruises which were blooming in shades of violet and indigo. There was a large cut on his right calf where stones had ripped at his soft skin when he was pushed to the ground violently.

Changing in the corner as fast as he could with his swaying vision he could feel the gaze of his team mates shooting tiny daggers into him. He had his practice t-shirt underneath his school shirt because it had been a cold month, so that his the damage on his torso.. But he still had to change in to his shorts, his legs feeling like lead with the Amount Of bruises and cuts weighing them down.With a voice of steel, Kuroo voiced his opinion first,

“ Kenma. What the F**K! WHO DID THIS TO YOU? Ill kill them… WHO DID THIS?”

Kenma panicked. This is what he was expecting.Anxiety sprinting off to space, Kenma thought of an excuse while his teammates were screaming bloody murder, threatening who hurt “their” Kenma.

“No no no. You misunderstood, I… Uhh I wasn’t paying attention because I was playing my PSP and I fell of the curb and landed on my legs. I cut my leg on a rock in the road…” Kenma said, cowering from the glares which questioned him.One by one, they took his excuse but Kuroo remained questioning. Kenma returned his glare, big amber eyes pleading for his best friend to take his excuse. 

“Why didn’t you tell me then? And why wasn’t I with you?”

“I was embarrassed Kuro… And it was when I went to buy  
Apple pie without you…”

Practice took place. With every minute, Kenma’s vision became disoriented and he set a ball wrong. Yaku looked at him with confusion. Kenma couldn’t hear the questions fired at him and his head felt like lead,then like feathers. His vision left him and he felt his body sink to the hard ground. A symphony of yells of his name echoed and he blacked out. The last thing he felt was Kuroo’s familiar large hands catch him. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
Kuro panicked. He had his best friend in his arms, limp. He had never realised how small Kenma was, slotting in to his broad arms perfectly. Yaku’s motherly instinct went in to overdrive, checking for pulses and stroking Kenma’s pudding hair. Kuro knew how soft it was, like silk. Like a kittens soft fur, smoother than satin.

Lev wailed as Kuro half ran to the nurses office as Kenma had fainted, not dead as Yamamoto had cried. He ordered his team to stay, while giving authority to Yaku and Kai during his absence.

 

After 5minutes Kuro reached the dreary, empty and very,very white nurses office. With powerful arms setting his best friend carefully down on to the bed. 

He stayed, dismissing the rest of the team. He watched Kenma sleep with shallow breaths, skin the same hue as pearls, and eyelids hiding what he knew where beautiful catty amber eyes under those ebony eyelashes.. That was until he watched his friend form beads of sweat on his head and shake. A temperature, he deduced as he used his large hand to caress his friends head. A bad one. Kenma was clad in a attire of the teams signature heavy jacket which reached the tips of his fingers and sweats. Kuro decided to remove the  
Jacket and replace it with a blanket. With the precision of a cat, Kuro slipped the jacket of in a fluid motion, removing it from arms he knew where smooth and perfectly pale.

But they weren't. And Kuroo was about to kill someone.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
Once the nurse returned, she diagnosed Kenma having fainted due to the lack of food. When said boy woke up, Kuroo played dumb to his discovery. He fretted, practically shoving food down Kenma’s throat. 

Later once they returned to their homes, both houses copies except that Kuroo’s door was a vibrant red and the bay windows on Kenma’s house carried little flower boxes spilling ferns and pansies. Kuroo unlocked Kenma’s door (he had his own key, just in case) and guided Kenma to his bedroom, with a plan in his head. When sleepy, Kenma couldn’t lie and became truthful, opening up. Kuroo could find what had happened to Kenma this way he thought;strolling to the kitchen. Feet padding across the terracotta tiles kuroo opened up the pale yellow fridge and retrieved Kenma’s favourite drink (Unless there was some sort of apple pie drink he did not know of) vanilla milk. Kuroo returned to Kenma’s bedside and slowly brought the glass to Kenma’s lips. Previously, kenma had and his eyes closed; but sniffing the sweet creamy scent of the milk, they fluttered opened and revealed one of Kuroo’s favourite sights, cat-like amber eyes. Kenma grasped the glass and sipped delicately at the drink with a mumbled “Thanks Kuroo.” In tow. Soon, Kenma showed signs of sleepiness. Most wouldn’t be able to spot them but with years of experience of studying Kenma’s subdued ways, kuroo saw the curve in his spine and the way he leaned to the closest warm thing (him) subtly.

“Kitten? “  
“Mm?” Kenma muttered in his sleep ridden voice.  
“Kitten, I saw your arms earlier on-“  
And within the second, Kenma’s eyes sharpened, his posture going rigid.  
“ –please kitten, tell me.”  
“Cant.” Came the short reply.  
“Why?”  
“Because That’s too much attention and You’re protective enough as it is…”  
“ Kitten. Please.”  
“ Cant. You cant know. The team as well.”  
“ Kitten? Why? Kitten please?”  
“ Don’t want the attention-“

Kenma’s head dropped in to Kuroo’s lap.   
Kuroo’s eyes steeled, a tear slipping out to slide down Kuroo’s tan skin. 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Kenma woke up, eyes blocked from the usual view he woke up to. He was used to the sight of his desk, and grey desk chair but all he could see was black. He panicked, and thrashed around. His arms were stuck, and there was something near his head. Still struggling, Kenma was swooped up, chest against something warm. Now he could see, Kenma realised it was Kuro. Kuro had an iron grip around his waist and was sleeping heavily, living up to the name of their team. Kenma himself was a heavy sleeper but Kuro took it to another level.

“Kuro.”  
Nothing.  
“Kuro” a little louder.  
Still nothing.

“Tetsu!” Louder once more.

“Kenma? Oh. Uhhhh I can explain?”

“First what about letting go?” 

“Oh. Yeah.” Kuro seemed disappointed. Kenma just dismissed this fact.  
Kuro’s tan muscular arms unlocked themselves from Kenma’s tiny frame and Kenma stumbled up.

“Hey Ken. Can you do something for me?”

“Depends. What is it? Im not getting you breakfast-and yeah you should ring your-“  
“No. Its easy. Please, just stand still. Don't move at all. Okay?”  
“Okay” Kenma replied, voice laced with confusion and curiosity.

Kuroo strides. Towards Kenma, purposefully. When he was close, which made Kenma fidget, Kuroo raised his hands and furled them in Kenma’s loose t-shirt. Which was actually his, he realised. Cute.

And pulled Kenma’s t-shirt off.

Complaints were fired as Kenma tried to turn around, hiding.

Kuroo placed his hands on his childhood friends shoulders and turned him. He wanted to cry all over again. Kenma’s torso was painted in angry colours, purple and red. Kuroo could see that Kenma hadn't cleaned his wounds and watched as tears dripped down from Kenma’s eyes.

 

“kitten. Please. Who did this?”

Kenma breaks down, panic and anxiety so thick you could cut it with a knife.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
*The past, when Kenma remained in middle school while Kuro went to high school*

Kenma padded across to the looming school gates, alone. Kuro was gone.

He was alone.   
He rode the train alone.  
Walked alone.  
Went to classes alone.  
Ate lunch alone. Went home so terribly alone.

There's only so much Kenma could hide, glueing his focus on the pings of ‘Mario’ and melody of’ Ocarina of time’. Not many noticed him, but a few did. A group of four, Kaito Shingo, Karou Natatsu, Mori Megume and the ringleader of them, Rei Kaname. Their eyes were sharp, cutting in to pale skin and their words poured out like rivers, drowning Kenma.

Nobody helped. How can you help somebody when you don't know they’re there? 

Vile words turned to curled fists, ending in blood shed. Blood shed turned to bad thoughts plaguing Kenma. He told Kuroo at first, relaying his experience of harsh words. The curled fists hadn't quite reached him yet.

“They WHAT? Kenma? I leave for one month and people are bullying you? Who?

Kenma mumbled their names out and Kuroos face darkens quickly. Kuroo left leaving tension hanging in the air heavily, Kenmas eyes stinging like wasps. Venomous tears slip out of catty eyes and burn pale skin. 

Kenma was never loud but in that time frame, he sobbed, voice echoing off walls.

 

The next week, all four of the bullies sported blossoming black eyes and injuries. The whole thing just practically had Kuroo wrote over it. He didn't want this.

He didn’t want violence, nor wanted Kuroo to get involved. He had simply wanted comfort, sweet words from his best friend.

Didn't want the glares he got from his bullies, sharp and full of hatred.

The bullying worsened, with the usual beatings laced with threats that told him to keep his secret. If Kenma wasn't already shy, he was now. Burdened with worsening depression and the absence of his friend to and from school, bullying swallowed his confidence and life.

He was only young.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>  
“Kenma. Kitten, what happened to you?” 

“ I don't want to say-“

“Kenma! I need you to tell me!” Kuro raised his voice. Bad move.

Upon hearing the raise in Kuroo’s voice Kenma cowered.  
“Kuro leave me alone!”   
Kenma raised his voice. To Kuro. 

“Kitten, I'll leave but only if you promise to tell me. Not now, but soon. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Kuro turned his broad back and left, as promised. Kenma took his phone into his delicate hands and called someone, someone who knew his secret. Somebody who understood.

“ Tadashi?”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Tadashi startled when he heard his phone play the ringtone of a meow. Then his face darkened.   
If Kenma was ringing, the bullies might have been hurting him again.

He sympathised.

Picking up his phone, he answered-

“Kozume-Senpai?”

“Just Kenma please Tadashi.”

“ Okay… Did they ‘visit’ again today? You know-“

They did. But that's not the problem.” Kenmas usually monotone voice cracked.

“Kenma what happened?”

“Kuro saw the bruises, he saw and I think he knows and I don't want him to! What if he-“

“Kenma calm down… It's for the best anyway. You can't let it continue, you don't want it to get so bad you end up like me right?” 

“Tadashi… I'm sorry.”

“It's fine, really. But tell Kuro, please? I don't want to see you go through with what I did, I was lucky I found Tsukki and you already have your Tsukki, Kuroo-San, so tell him. For me.”

“I'll try” 

“Call me once and you've done it, ‘Kay?”

“Mm.”  
Tadashi put the phone down. He was glad, that on that day in training camp he found out. He wasn't glad that Kenma was suffering through what he did though, he needed to help him save him, like Tsukki had to him.

In the next chapter I'll have a bit of Yams backstory, and more fluffy angst ★~(◠ω◕✿). Criticism welcome and please leave kudos! Thank you for reading and I'll try to post next chapter soon <3

Also, I don't have a proof reader so sorry for mistakes.

★~(◡ω◕✿)


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